Absolution
by Ellivia22
Summary: Matt buries his head into his arms. "They'll never forgive me for what I've done. Especially Simon. He hates me, and I deserve it." Oneshot. Matt and Simon bonding. Please review, thanks.


(A\N: Hello! My name is Ellivia22. I had just started a 7th Heaven marathon, after not watching the show in years. And I absolutely love it. Anyway I got this idea from watching season 2. This story is set during the episode "Who Knew?". Anyway, I really hope you like it. I would appreciate it if you gave me a review. Thanks. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned 7th Heaven, I would totally own Matt Camden, since he's my favorite :)

**Absolution**

** By: Ellivia22**

** Matt**

I make my way down the dark sidewalk. Even though the red convertible that I jumped out of is long gone I want to make sure to increase the distance. The last thing I need right now is to hang out with someone that does drugs. That could get me in even more trouble. I've caused enough for one day. This entire mess is all my fault.

I knew I was in deep trouble when I witnessed Mary and Lucy finding the marijuana joint in Mom and Dad's room. I had hoped that I would be able to avoid Mom and Dad's accusing stares by keeping my mouth shut. At least until I would be able to leave the house. When Dad threatened to drug test my sisters and brother I knew I had to come clean. I'm the oldest. I refuse to let them pay for my mistake.

I swallow the large lump in my throat as I think about the huge fight I just had with Dad. I had never seen him so angry before, and the fact that he was so angry at me in particular just makes it worse.

_ Please explain to us how anyone could be stupid enough to do drugs in the first place! _

If only Dad had just let me explain everything: how I only took the joint just to be polite and had forgotten that I even had it; that I didn't come clean before because I was too afraid; and most importantly that I never have and never will do drugs.

_You've got to be kidding me! Man, I can't believe you._

My chest tightens painfully in guilt. This is the worst I ever felt. I let Simon down. I let them all down. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting the ones I love the most. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just don't come home.

I stop short. In my wanderings I had made it to the church. The lights are on. I feel an invisible force pull me towards the brick building. I have the sudden desire to tell someone everything, and God is better than nothing. Then after I confess I can figure out where to go from there.

The inside of the church is extremely cold. I'm glad that I have on my black jacket. The candles are still lit close to the alter. The silence of the building forces me to relive the day all over again.

_Is this why you could never hold onto a job?_

My knees give way. I collapse into a pew close to the front. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I hurt so much on the inside. For the first time in a while I feel the strong urge to pray. After wiping a tear from the corner of my eyes I pull my hands together and look straight ahead.

"I don't know what I was going to do with it, but I swear I never even smoked pot. I never touched the stuff, I just took it."

I sigh. I struggle to hold my emotions back. I'm failing miserably. "Not that that matters now. I shouldn't have brought it home." A tear falls down my face, followed by another. "If I could just go back I would, but I can't."

The tears come faster as I think about my family, the people I love more than anything in the world. "I'm so sorry. I was so stupid." I wish with all my heart that my parents were here to listen to me as I pour out my soul. But I know they aren't. Not that they'd listen anyway. My eyes rise to the ceiling. The pain and guilt is so powerful I can barely stand it. "I don't know how they're ever going to trust me again if they won't even listen to me."

I bow my head. My eyes are stinging badly from the tears that I've shed. Now that I've started, I can't stop. The more I let out, the better I feel.

"Matt?"

I turn to see my parents standing by the door, staring at me. I slowly rise from the pew. At first I don't want to approach them, because I am afraid and ashamed. Numbly I leave the pew and approach them. Dad has his arm around Mom. As I get closer I realized they aren't angry. They look relieved. "What are you doing here?" I ask as normally as possible.

Mom smiles at me. "Trying to figure out a way to get our son back."

By the look on their faces, they heard every word I said. I notice that Dad is crying too. "Come home, Matt," he says gently.

After one last took at each of them, I latched onto them tight. I feel relieved for the first time all day. "I'm sorry, Mom," I sob. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, baby."

I feel Dad kiss my head as he hugs me tighter. Then we pull away. "We'll talk okay," he says quietly. "And this time I'll listen. You're going to be all right. This family is going to be all right."

I smile briefly. Maybe Mom and Dad will be able to forgive me after all. The question that worries me is, will the rest of the family? Will Simon?

**Simon**

I glare at the ceiling. It's been a couple of hours since I witnessed Dad fighting with Matt and I'm still unable to forget what I just learned. I can't believe that Matt does drugs. I've looked up to him my entire life, yet he let me down. He let me down big time. I'll never trust him again.

"Simon?"

I roll over and look to the lower of the bunk beds. Ruthie is staring at me. Even though she's too young to understand what's going on, she knows how upset everyone is. Instead of snapping at her like I had earlier, I force a smile on my face. I have to act normal for the sake of my young sister. "What is it?"

"I can't sleep."

_You're not the only one_. The house is quiet, meaning Mom and Dad have stopped arguing. Now might be a good time to sneak downstairs. I can get Ruthie a glass of milk. It's what Mom always does for me when I can't sleep. "Would you like a glass of milk?"

"Yes please."

I sigh, descending the ladder. I decide to get myself a glass too. It may not put me to sleep, but it will at least relax me. As soon as I leave the room I notice the light in Mary and Lucy's room is still on. They must be unable to sleep too. I have the feeling that nobody is going to be able to sleep because of everything. I creep silently down the hall.

I start making my way down the stairs when I hear low voices. At first I think it's just Mom and Dad in another deep conversation. Then I see Matt sitting on the couch opposite them. His head is bent.

As angry as I am at my older brother, I want to know what they're talking about. I've already eavesdropped on the fight that occurred earlier, so I don't feel guilty for listening to this one. I settle on the stairs, hiding from view. I don't want to miss a single word.

"When Mitch gave me the joint, I was stunned. I had no idea that he was the kind of person who did stuff like that. I should've had told him that I don't smoke pot or do any other drugs and didn't want to start now. But I put it in my pocket to be polite. I just forgot about it."

I brace myself for the yelling to start up again. It never comes. Instead Dad speaks in a softer voice than before. "How did Happy get a hold of it?"

Matt shrugs. "I guess it fell out of my shirt pocket. I didn't realize it was missing until I saw Lucy and Mary with it in your room. I knew you guys had found it and I was going to get blamed for it. So I tried to get out of the house as soon as possible."

His voice quivers. I can tell he's trying so hard not to cry. I've never seen my brother like this before. "I k-knew I had to come clean when Dad threatened the drug test. I couldn't let the other kids go through that because of me. I wanted to protect them." He chokes on a sob. "I'm so sorry, Mom and Dad. For everything."

As I stare at Matt I find myself forgetting my anger. I don't know if Mom and Dad believe him, but I do. I suddenly regret not letting him explain before. Mom speaks for the first time. "You are a good brother to do that for the kids. I am proud of you."

Matt buries his head into his arms. His voice is muffled so I have to lean closer in order to hear. "They'll never forgive me for what I've done. Especially Simon. He hates me, and I deserve it."

"We'll talk to them tomorrow," Dad promises. "I'll explain to them that I jumped to conclusion." He gives Matt a slightly stern look. "Your car privileges are revoked for two week for bringing the joint in the house."

Matt lifts his head, then nods slowly. Mom and Dad rise from the couch. I dart up the stairs before they can see me. I slip back into the bedroom. Ruthie is fast asleep at last. There is no way I'm going to be able to sleep now. I want to talk to Matt, apologize for not giving him a chance. I just don't know what to say.

**Matt**

I collapse on my bed, feeling utterly exhausted. After a long talk with Mom and Dad I don't feel as anguished as I did before. I am far from feeling better though. My chest is weighed heavily from the great amount of guilt I still feel. I don't bother getting undressed. I know that I won't be able to sleep even if I wanted to.

**Knock Knock**

"Come in," I mutter, not caring who it is. I figure it's either Mom or Dad to say goodnight.

The door opens revealing Simon. He's in his blue pajamas. By the look on his face, he's wide awake too. After everything that's happened, I'm surprised to see him. He hesitates. "I can't sleep. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Simon closes the door behind him then sits at the foot of my bed. We're both quiet for a few minutes. I want to act normal, but there's no point. Instead I decide to take the time to apologize. "Look, Simon, I know you hate me for everything that I've done, and I don't blame you. I want you to know that I'm so sorry for letting you down." I swallow hard. "I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me."

"I don't hate you."

I look at my younger brother in surprise. "You don't?"

"No." For the first time he looks at me. "To tell you the truth, I had promised myself to never trust you again. But when I was getting Ruthie a glass of milk I overheard you talking with Mom and Dad." I raise my eyebrow. "Okay," he admits. "I was eavesdropping."

I smile slightly. Why am I not surprised? I say nothing and allow Simon to continue. After a moment he does so. "The point is, I heard everything and I believe you."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't let you explain before."

I feel slightly better. "It's okay."

Simon scoots a little closer to me on the bed. "Matt?" he says after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

A look of slight fear appears on his face. "Thank you for protecting me from the drug test."

I place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. We lock eyes. "You're my little brother. I'd do anything for you. I'd do anything for my family."

Without warning Simon wraps his arms around me tight. After recovering from the shock I hug him back. I grip onto the younger boy. The tightness in my chest is completely gone now. "I love you, Simon."

"I love you, too."

We pull away. Exhaustion is on Simon's face. It looks like he's about to fall asleep at any moment. I squeeze his shoulder gently. "Go to bed. We can talk more in the morning."

Simon gets off the bed and heads towards the door. "Goodnight, Matt."

"Goodnight Simon. Thanks for stopping by."

"You're welcome." He closes the door behind him.

I lay on my bed, closing my eyes. Talking to Simon has helped me tremendously. I feel almost back to normal. I now have the strength to move past this and do a better job at being the brother I'm supposed to be.

**The End**


End file.
